4 Wedding Planning Mistakes That Spark Arguments Before You Even Say ‘I Do’
More than four in five brides admit to feeling stressed before their wedding, with rising costs adding to the pressure of planning the ‘perfect’ day.
Image Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash
Wedding and Events Expert Pippa Masson from Hen Party Deals and The Stag Company shares the advice couples are rarely told when planning a wedding, as new insights from greeting card marketplace thortful reveals how the pressure of planning can lead to tension, burnout and disappointment when things don’t go perfectly. Alongside expert insight, real couples share what they wish they’d known before the big day.
Delegate and don’t do it all yourself
Trying to manage everything alone can quickly lead to stress and tension. Pippa explains: “Wedding planning can easily feel like a full-time job and get overwhelming very quickly. The best thing to do is to split the work into different departments and assign them.”
This imbalance is something many couples recognise. Elspeth Swan, 35, from Harrogate, married for four years, says: “I mean I am the one who organised the whole thing. He said in his speech, he literally turned up.” She adds: “I decided I would do lots of the flower arranging for the wedding, and I totally underestimated the time this would take the day before, thank goodness I had some kind volunteers who helped me to make everything look just how I wanted.”
Finding a balance between strengths can help ease the pressure. Sarah Windle, 34, from Leeds, reflects on her experience, adding: “I believe you should work to each other’s strengths, every month we’d sit down and delegate that month’s tasks to one another.”
Having support in place can also make a big difference as Sarah explains: “We had a fantastic on site wedding coordinator who made everything feel seamless, including managing all the external suppliers.”
Money matters, but it’s the conversations that count
Financial pressure is one of the biggest triggers for arguments during wedding planning with 93% of newlyweds saying budgeting was the biggest source of stress.
Pippa advises: “Before you both launch into the excitement of planning your big day, take some time so you can run through your finances together. Then, work together to agree on a realistic budget that you can afford.”
She also suggests: “A quick exercise is for each of you to pick three priority elements and agree to protect those in the budget. This way, you both feel heard.”
For many couples, this was essential. Sophie adds: “We planned to our means and as a couple, we also agreed in advance how much each of us could realistically put into the wedding and had an overall budget target we worked to.”
Prepare for the post-wedding comedown
After months of planning, many couples are surprised by how they feel once it’s all over. Pippa says: “After your wedding day has concluded, it can feel like a huge slump, it feels like something is missing.” She recommends: “Get a new post wedding project on the go, having a little project on the side together really helps to fill that wedding shaped hole.”
This is something couples relate to, as Sophie shares: “After the wedding and honeymoon, I went through a bit of a wedding hangover, you’ve just gone from having this huge build up… to suddenly nothing.”
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Let go of perfection, things won’t go to plan
One of the biggest causes of stress comes from unrealistic expectations around the day itself. Pippa explains: “One of the biggest letdowns is when things don’t run perfectly. That blissful sun-soaked afternoon you conjured might suddenly turn into a torrential downpour, the wedding cake might be a bit wonky, or your little niece or nephew may decide to have a massive meltdown during the speeches.”
For many couples, it’s the unexpected moments that stay with them. Leanne Hayes, 43, from Leeds, who has been married for seven years, says: “My mother-in-law spoiled the surprise of my best friend flying out, it caused a bit of an uproar… I laugh about it now, but it did really upset me that the surprise had been ruined.”
Even carefully planned details don’t always go to plan. Sophie, 30, from Yorkshire, married for one year, adds: “I spent hours leading up to the day building a wedding playlist, but there was a miscommunication with the organisers, and it didn’t get played… I was so swept up in the moment of the day, I didn’t even notice.”
She adds: “It’s so easy to get overwhelmed when things don’t go to plan, however we had a list of priorities of what we wanted to go smoothly, and everything else was a bonus.”
Top 5 wedding planning tips to avoid stress before the big day
- Let go of perfection
Things won’t go exactly to plan, focus on how you react, not what goes wrong. - Schedule ‘wedding-free’ time
Don’t let planning take over your relationship. Set time aside each week where wedding talk is off-limits. - Agree your top three priorities
Pick the three elements that matter most to each of you and protect them in your budget. - Have a financial health check early
Be honest about what you can afford and avoid putting your entire wedding on credit. - Take time out together on the day
Step away for 15 minutes with your partner to enjoy the moment and reconnect.
• To mark the start of married life for your loved ones, explore thortful’s range of wedding cards.
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